We came together as a group for the first time in my living room at the end of December, 2019. At that time it was clear that I needed help and caretaking around the clock. I had been diagnosed with leukemia after several months of unexplained weakness, loss of apetite and anemia. A plan to talk with a few women neighbors about caretaking came about through my son, Tim who was visiting me along with my ‘like a son’, Billy who knew everyone in the neighborhood. I was unable to care for myself or even walk more than a few steps. Our thoughts at the time were focused on a six month period – or until I would be able to move to Vancouver, Washington to live with one of my other sons, Jonathan and his family. We were also understanding and preparing for my death.
So the meeting in my living room began with Tim and Billy explaining the situation to the four women we had invited. All but one were women I knew as neighbors and friends. We were a jovial group in spite of the reason for our gathering. And the plan for my caretaking seemed to gently fall into place so that I would be cared for around the clock. All my meals, my medications, overnight caretaking to use the bathroom, and help with showering. We even had a group name, Equipo de Jan (Jan’s helpers) which was set up on WhatsAp so we could share information, recipes, etc. Quietly and softly I felt the major responsibilities slipping off my shoulders and mostly I found the much needed time for rest.
Of course the hardest part for me was the plans to move. The idea of dying was not nearly as difficult. But really, how could I leave this precious home, my dogs and this country I had adopted as my own? The ties were interwoven and often nearly invisible in the air, in the flowers and plants in my gardens and in the countless acts of kindness and endearment since I moved here on Christmas eve, 2008. I had lost everything in New Mexico and came to Costa Rica to start over. Could I do it again at nearly 78?
We began as a planned and functioning group at the end of January after my last guest left. And each participant volunteered her work according to her particular strengths and experience. We were so fortunate that Tim stepped forward to pay for the caretaking. He and Shelby, his wife looked at the project in a ‘paying it forward’ manner as they knew most of the caretakers and their families. The amount would be just a fraction of what the cost would be in a US nursing home and they would be paid back when my house was sold.
So here we were! Equipo de Jan
Billy Vargas was the designated overseer as well as my Medical interpreter and memory keeper. He was a neighbor and we’d been friends since he first helped pull my car out of a ditch just after I moved here. We laugh about it now – how many times have there been that he was needed to get me out of a ditch? Or some proverbial ditch?. Over the 12 years that I’ve known him Billy has become kind of a surrogate son as well as a medical attendant. He accompanies me for all appointments and is vital for translation when needed and he often explains and remembers my history better than I do. He is wise, kind, loyal and funny. I truly do not know how I could manage my life here now without him. All of the decisions made among the group go through Billy. And everyone knows that he knows me best and is also quite connected to my three other sons.
Lauren Calderon, Caregiving Specialist Lauren agreed to join the group early in January while Tim was still visiting from Washington. She was the only one in the group that had experience in elder care that included some university training as well as several years of working within the Immigrant (Expat) community. In addition to her training and experience with the physical and emotional aspects of older people, she had lived in the United States for 12 years during which time she learned English as well as many of the cultural norms of the US. Lauren has a daughter Aura who had received medical care in the US as well as in Costa Rica for her lung cancer which was now in remission. All of these attributes made Lauren an important part of the group in terms of my care. And she taught the rest of the group several cooking tips that she photographed and also directed personally when they could come up to watch her cook. Things like green salads, burritos and tacos, gringo style. She also trained Jennifer and Berenice, the daughter in caregiving measures like how to help with a shower, massages, exercises for me, etc. Her spirit and humor are much appreciated during the caregiving time.
Jennifer Cespedes Jennifer became my weekly house keeper after I dismissed my former housekeeper in May, 2019 due to burglary. That betrayal of trust was a most painful event in my Costa Rica experience. But it led to the hiring of Jennifer, who soon became one of my most trusted Tico ‘almost like family’ members. Jennifer, at 31 years old was lively, intelligent and hard working. I have never seen someone who can clean a house so thoroughly and with such vibrancy! She was the same with her life – as a mother of her 9 year old son Samuel and wife of Jenner, who worked for ICE (the electricity company in CR). Until she moved farther away, she would walk to work – well over a mile and often, if he wasn’t in school, Samuel walked with her. Jennifer knew a little English before coming to work for me and was eager to learn more. So we practice as we go. One of the things I enjoy so much about Jennifer is her independent attention to what she wears and how she looks – for herself. She doesn’t save her makeup and jazzy clothes just for when she goes out. She is most always fashionable for work, too. I love seeing her appear first thing in the morning on every weekday except Thursday. When I hear her key in the kitchen back door lock I instantly wonder what she will be wearing or how she would have her long hair fixed. I knew it would be a deliberate choice and we would talk about it. She showed a lot of interest in colors which is one of my favorite things, too. And flowers. Very soon after she began working for me I gave her the okay to cut flowers from my garden for the various vases that I had – and soon I had to ask that she keep the number down to about 5 vases. At one point I had to tell her she could NOT cut any bougainvillea, no matter how beautiful and colorful the flowers. They just grew too slowly and I loved them in my outdoor spaces. Her flower arrangements were often just purely stunning. And most of all I love Jennifer’s laugh!
The Martinez family: Oscar, Berenice (the mom), Berenice (the daughter), David
Oscar Martinez (father) As is likely in every neighborhood in Costa Rica it is imperative, in my opinion for anyone new to the neighborhood to find out what profession or ‘gift’ each vecino (neighbor) can offer. In my new neighborhood, as a Gringa living alone, it was very important that I find someone to clean my house, do odd jobs, gardening, fix electrical issues, plumbing, mechanic. Most important was to find out who could be trusted – with his or her word.
Soon after I moved into my old and neglected Tico house in this San Rafael Norte neighborhood I met Oscar who was a builder. I trusted him from the beginning and though he spoke no English, he and I were able to communicate enough for me to understand and respect his ideas and view of life. Together we successfully completed the open air studio, the complete house rebuilding, the outdoor shower and bathroom, the Cabina rebuilding and Casa Tranquila (Frank’s house). There was simply no building project – large or small – that Oscar could not do.
Oscar’s family operated as a fairly typical Tico family with the husband/father in charge – and I was fortunate that Oscar approved of both his wife and his daughter working for me. About 5 months into my association with Equipo de Jan (Jan’s team), Oscar and I worked on a project together which was a collaboration of artist and doer – Jan and Oscar. (https://janhart.com/index.php/2020/10/31/mending-the-ceramic-tiles-step-by-step/) It makes me smile each time I see it.
Berenice Mora Campos (mother)
Berenice Mora Campos (mother) Always I could count on Berenice for anything I needed – from calling Eddy for more bananas to finding someone to repair a washing machine or refrigerator. She could be counted on to message me through Facebook about whether or not I needed fresh eggs – and I knew that once a week she would make sure to flag down El Señor who had a large flock of free range chickens. He would slowly drive through the neighborhood in his old rusty stationwagon on either Thursdays or Fridays selling his cajas (containers of 15 eggs) for 1500 colones ($2.50 USD). Berenice loved to laugh and even more, loved to see me laugh. I could be sure that if something funny happened while she was at my house it would be retold for weeks and even months…. And the other thing that Berenice loves is flowers. Every so often she brought me a new one – usually originally from a neighbor’s planting. Then she would carefully tend it whenever she was at my house. Berenice the Mom was mostly interested in caretaking on a weekend or covering for her daughter when needed.
Berenice Martinez (daughter)
Berenice Martinez (daughter) Berenice the daughter is a beautiful young woman who is somewhat shy but always gracious and giving. Before her time as a caregiver I had only spoken to her if I saw her walking on the road. When offering her a ride I noticed her shyness behind her always lovely smile. Berenice wanted to work nights – and would sleep in the casita every night. Her shift was from 4 p.m. – 7 a.m. For several months she would get up to help me to the bathroom at least twice during the night but sometimes three or even four times. I would call her on WhatsApp and she would be up and next to me in just a few minutes. We felt it was especially necessary because of the one step up into the kitchen and bathroom beyond. That was the most dangerous step in the house and had caused me to fall twice in the early days of caregiving when I was so very weak. Always I slept better knowing that Berenice was sleeping in a bed very nearby and that I could easily call her.
Berenice became the one to keep my medicines in order. She had an amazing mind and memory that could keep track of things in addition to morning and evening medications. She also became the cat caretaker after my cat, Camila entered my life through the front door. After being shown once and she remembered the correct amount of food for Camila and when to make sure the cat door was open and when it should be closed. Her memory for details was impeccable and I learned to depend on her always. It was no wonder that I slept better when she was around. And of all the caregivers, it was clear that Camila trusted her most. She made it clear as she waited for her to arrive in the afternoon and then at any time that she came into the house during the night to help me. And she knew exactly when Berenice would open the casita door in the morning. Always, Camila was right there waiting for her to appear. The other thing I found myself so grateful to Berenice for was the watering of my plants that were sheltered by overhangs. The first thing she checked when arriving at 4 was my sheltered plants.
And so Equipo de Jan continued from that first gathering, always morphing to accommodate the changes that occur with all the participants. A few months into our plan for 6 months, Covid-19 spread its wings over Costa Rica and put all the best made plans on hold. I would not be moving to the states as planned even though I found new homes for my sweet dogs. And then, in late September my cancer doctor announced that my blood test showed that I did not have cancer. We were shocked by the news and had many questions which even my doctor could not answer. I still have my numb feet and legs and still need a walker to get about and I still have no idea what is coming next.
We recently celebrated around the tables in my Rancho/Outdoor studio. Billy did the cooking and Tim provided the money for the feast of pork loin with pineapple sauce and Sangria. We laughed and shared stories of our lives. And we spoke carefully of the future. Perhaps we are getting to know that the ideas we have are not assurances about what will happen next. Things can change in the wink of an eye. But for now – I am filled with gratitude for Equipo de Jan.
And I’m proud of each one of us!
